Dear parents, your kids are their own person

For as long as we could remember, we’ve had our own hopes and dreams. Most of these, we acquired on our own. As we grow up, these would continuously evolve to become more sustainable. It becomes an added blessing when we get our parents’ full support.

For some, however, they’re burdened by the pressure to live up to other people’s standards. Having expectations isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But it becomes cruel when someone shuns others when they fail to meet certain standards, despite trying their best. Even if this scene is common to Asian households, I honestly wouldn’t even wish this fate on my worst enemy.

To my dismay, I personally know someone who was born and raised to live up to their parents’ dream. When we were in college, my best friend would often rant and cry on my shoulder as she braved through the overwhelming challenges of pursuing medicine. It’s challenging enough to pursue her track, let alone doing so because she was forced to.

All her life, she was treated as an ‘investment’ by her parents. There came a time when they told her this verbatim. They wanted her to become a doctor so she could earn a lot of money, expecting that they’d eventually be dependent on her.

Even if she chose to defy their wishes, an influx of uncertainties would come rushing her way. My best friend felt stuck, which both sickened me and opened my eyes to this dilemma that others also certainly experience.

Abuse comes in other forms

I think it’s important to bring to light that abuse doesn’t just come physically; it can be emotional too. In the Filipino context, this often reflects in the practice of ‘utang na loob’ or debt of gratitude.

Being constantly pressured to meet expectations could be detrimental to the mental health of those who feel morally obliged to comply. After all, it is natural to want to do things that make the people we care for happy. This desire is amplified when it comes to family.

It is frustrating to think that people would constantly rub this ‘debt’ off on other people. Though it is a good thing to be kind and look out for others, I wasn’t aware that caring is something that had to be conditional.

Your kids are their own people too

There’s a tendency for parental figures to forget that the people they look out for are human.

They are individuals with their own sense of identity – they have the ability to think for themselves. They have their own emotions in response to what they go through. Their children should be treated as their own person rather than just an extension of themselves; the same goes if the situation were reversed.

Look, it is understandable for parents to want the best for their kids. Who doesn’t want to see their children live comfortable and fulfilling lives? But part of living is being able to pursue the things that make you happy, or at the very least, give you a sense of identity, and the contentment that this is what you truly want for yourself.

It is alright for parents to give advice. To offer a sense of direction. But entirely forcing their own dreams could entirely crush those of their children altogether.

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Source: we the pvblic