Let the pandemic end the stigma on dating apps, please
Before the pandemic made us paranoid of others and our own skin, effectively stifling our social lives, I had this negative notion of dating apps.
You see, I always saw myself as an ‘old-school romantic‘ in the sense that I prefer meeting people ‘normally’. By ‘normally’, I mean basically every rom-com plot out there: boy meets girl by circumstance, they become friends, and if everything goes well, eventually become a couple.
Most of our parents probably met this way. In my mind, the process assures that the attraction is genuine, because it was the universe or destiny that brought these two people together. Fate would never, ever, gift us the wrong person, right?
Dating apps then, by its own definition, are a violation of that view. There is nothing normal or natural about swiping through dozens of faces in one sitting. Nor does it feel right to ‘like’ people solely on their appearance. Hookups and ghosting, a common trait of the culture, also make relationships seem disposable.
For me, Bumble, Tinder, and co. were the last resort for desperate people. Desperate enough to cling to a shallow system just to satisfy their need for companionship.
It seems that I wasn’t alone in this stigma. Within my few moments in post-pandemic Bumble, I came across bios that read ‘Only here because of quarantine’ or ‘The quarantine made me do it’. They sounded like disclaimers, as if to say ‘Hey, I don’t usually stoop this low, but these are unusual times’.
But yes, with social distancing in full effect, I did give in. Bumble, as noted earlier. The lockdowns and isolation have been a killer on mental health. Much like those defensive bios, I was lonely to the point that I just wanted someone to talk to.
Not even a date. Or a fubu. Just a person to have a normal conversation with. Surprisingly, it’s these circumstances that led me to a moral plot twist: Dating apps aren’t that bad.
Sure, I still have gripes. Ghosting is just terrible, even if I’m guilty of it myself. Convos, no matter how long and fun, are disposable. People also seem a bit…paranoid. It’s like they are apprehensive to the thought that yes, there are men who genuinely like you and are not just after sex.
But I’ve come to see dating apps as automated meet-cutes, in place of an office party or your best bud/wingman introducing you to his new friend. They make it easier to get one foot in the door, yes. But for all its marvels, technology can never replace genuine human connection.
You can have 100 matches on the app, but if you can’t move the conversation past Hi and Hello, then it’s a no-go. Nothing highlights the true factor of physical appearances when you match with someone cute, only for the interaction to end up being a dud.
The introduction might be different, but the IRL factors needed to jumpstart any relationship, such as chemistry and mutual attraction, remain the same.
As for myself, I’ve found a friend and a date to help me ride out the fustercluck that is 2020. So if you’re feeling a bit down and in need of some human interaction, go try a dating app. You’ll never know what you’ll find.
Banner: Markus Winkler via Unsplash
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