The triumphs and trials of graduating online

The daunting reality has sunk in

On what would turn out to be my last day on campus, I ditched class to go home earlier than usual. Now, I’m mostly at home, stuck on a routine I desperately want to escape from. This wasn’t the ‘real world’ welcoming I anticipated.

I never thought I’d spend an entire academic year wearing a corporate blouse partnered with silk pajamas to show face in online classes, only to jump back to bed right after we’re dismissed. While it’s a luxury I used to long for, I have grown to despise it.

I constantly wished that the alarming threat of COVID-19 would die down so we could have some sense of normalcy in our lives again. Contrary to my prayers, quarantine protocols escalated here in the Philippines. With no clarity as to when the situation would end, I wallowed in my own pit of despair. I eventually lost grasp of time and lived day to day without looking forward to anything.

I’m certain my friends felt the same. We were all threading through the same experience of being stuck with the visual of the four corners of our room, always longing to safely return to the ‘great outdoors’.

As the recent academic year ended, we became hopeless of the possibility of celebrating the conclusion of our college lives together.

I repetitively thought: I won’t be able to hug and take post-graduation pictures with my friends. The chance to thank renowned faculty I’ve always looked up to was a far-fetched reality. Walking on a stage to receive my diploma is sadly out of the picture.

Missing out on this milestone felt unfair.

Is there a silver lining to all of this?

While the merit of finishing college transcends receiving the diploma, I cannot help but feel dismayed that my batchmates and I’s efforts will be commemorated through a virtual event – a ceremony streamed through Facebook Live. The mere thought of it felt half-assed, like it was organized merely for the sake of getting it over with.

My other friends resorted to setting up close-knit celebratory feasts to make the ceremony feel special. But no matter what grandeur we would set up to make up for graduating at home, the ceremony will still ultimately hit differently.

While I acknowledge that quarantine protocols were implemented for the safety of the public, it does not nullify the fact that graduating on stage will forever be one of our class’ biggest ‘what ifs’.

As our online graduation day approaches, I averted my focus to the ‘silver lining’ of spending an academic year apart from my peers.

Spending my senior year away from my schoolmates made me have a clearer standpoint about what I wanted out of life. To my surprise, I realized that I did not want to pursue the career track I signed up for.

I enrolled with the hopes of becoming a media practitioner yet I saw myself fall out of love with the field. Though I appreciate the things that I’ve learned, I did not necessarily want to make it my profession. I found the media industry to be quite toxic and too fast-paced for my sanity’s sake.

It was quite contradicting to my pre-pandemic self who wanted to delve headfirst into being a professional in the field and go rapid-fire with the projects I had in mind.

I reevaluated the reasons why I have arrived at such a realization; when I attended classes on campus, I was surrounded by people who were interested in the same things. In a way, that immensely impacted how I perceived the course I got into. I honed a biased outlook on the college degree I wanted to attain.

Embracing unexpected blessings

Another thing I was grateful to experience was that I was able to befriend and develop a more intimate friendship with people I never expected to become close with.

Prior to being mandated to study at home, we all had a lot of options in terms of who to hang out with. We didn’t ‘waste time’ in talking to those we did not vibe with from the get-go. It took community-enforced isolation for people to change that.

As the quarantine restrictions struck, some of us were no longer contacted by those who we thought would be our lifelong friends. Even if they had their reasons, it hurt to be ghosted without any explanation whatsoever. T

o curb the fleeting loneliness I felt, I impulsively messaged a friend I didn’t talk with much before the world went haywire. Though the intent was admittedly selfish at first, that paved the way for the two of us to grow closer. We were able to get to know each other through our frequent conversations, to the point where I could already label him as my ‘best friend’.

Even if it has been immensely frustrating to know and accept the fact that I will be graduating from college online, there are some things that I can still be thankful for.

I was able to better get to know who I am when I am on my own and develop ‘true’ friendships that transcend circumstances. I was able to realign and focus my energy on things that mattered.

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Source: we the pvblic