There’s a reason why you still stalk your ex online
People do different things to cope with a breakup, and you’ve probably experienced it firsthand. The usual suspects include getting a haircut, drinking with friends, blasting a sad session playlist, and the classic eat-ice-cream-while-watching-a-movie option. But there’s a more common thing lately: stalking them online.
Now, the term ‘stalking’ in this context doesn’t pertain to the actual crime that destroys lives but just casually browsing through their accounts. In this day and age, it’s not everyone’s first choice to casually drive alone past their ex’s street just like what Olivia Rodrigo’s song indicates. Checking up on them can be more discreet and accessible through social media – you can just click on their profile anytime.
If those post-breakup moments make you laugh when you look back at them, you also most likely ask yourself, “What was I thinking back then?” But as you brush off those distant memories, science can actually give you reasons behind them.
Is your ex with someone else already?
From replaying their Instagram stories to visiting their Facebook profile, and maybe observing what they’re listening to on Spotify – all of that (and maybe more) gave you a glimpse of what they’re up to and it felt oddly comforting to know. But have you ever wondered why?
Whether your former flame gave you proper closure or not, there’s always something in the back of your head that seeks answers on why things ended. According to Anita A. Chlipala, a licensed marriage and family therapist, the usual reason that people stalk their ex is to check if they’re “happier without them or dating someone (and comparing themselves to this person).”
‘Also, the first few weeks after a breakup are particularly difficult because you have a big void,’ she added. ‘So stalking an ex on social media can help fill that void.’
Things might get toxic
However, not being able to move on isn’t always the case. Family behavioral specialist Dr. Jennifer Freed told Bustle that people stalk their exes online because of narcissism. She explained, ‘We are fascinated with ourselves basically and our exes are parts of ourselves that we left in the past.’
‘Looking backward is a way of digesting and metabolizing our lives and understanding our complex feelings about people we used to care for,’ continued Freed. But she also added how it can get quite toxic when stalking feels like a temporary high until it screws you over when you see something that you didn’t want to confront too soon.
‘The basic rule of happiness is that if you have great things to do in the present you probably won’t be glued to social media,’ noted Freed. ‘You will be out living a great life.’
Know when to move on
Trina Leckie, a relationship coach and host of a breakup-related podcast, explained that it’s different for everyone – some have trouble with acceptance and letting go, while others are just genuinely curious about what’s going on in their ex’s life. But she advised that looking at the past a.k.a. your ex’s profile will hold you back from healing and moving on.
‘It can become an addiction to keep checking, which then keeps your ex top of mind all day, and that clearly isn’t healthy,’ added Leckie. ‘You won’t be able to move on fully until you stop looking, so the sooner you stop, the better.’
You can’t really blame yourself for still wanting to be updated in your ex’s life since they were (or still are) important to you. But beyond all your possible reasons for being a sleuth, the truth is they also don’t show everything in those 30-second videos and quick snapshots. Your assumptions might lead to unnecessary overthinking, and that’s the last thing you need.
Maybe it’s time to lay your detective hat to rest and while it’s easier said than done, it’s time to move on.
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Source: we the pvblic
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