You don’t have to marry in your 20s, folks

You do. Or you don’t.

If there’s a touchy subject people would normally avoid talking about, I bet you that marriage is one of them. 

Marriage appears like a big deal to people, especially if you are from a Filipino household. You don’t have to be old enough to know how older women (and men, too!) in your family can be quite inquisitive about the young’uns’ lives during gatherings.

“Oh, Iho! All of your friends are married. When do you plan to do the same?”

“You’re not getting any younger, darling. 28 ka na! Ang tagal n’yo naman ata magpa-kasal?”

Everywhere you go, there seem to be signs that all speak the same thing. Get married now, or you’ll never know what you’re missing out on. But the thing is, rushing something for all the wrong reasons never ends well.

Whether you gave in to Aunt Julie’s coaxing or felt pressured because everyone in the gang is bound in matrimony, you’re sure to experience a literal hell of a ride.

Not a competition to sign up for

In the list of Things that can Wait, marriage sits somewhere in the Top 5. The reason is – and I know you’re probably sore from hearing this – marriage, like most things in life, is not a race. 

You don’t bag a reward by committing oneself to your other half earlier than others. You don’t get richer or more successful in your career. In the same way, you don’t get jailed for marrying at 40. Your personhood doesn’t diminish.

At the end of the day, you’re all just the same. Wedded. Bound by law. 

Together, seizing your days

While both of you’ve yet to entertain the idea of marriage, there are a long list of things you can do.

You enjoy each other’s time and attention. There’s a possibility you won’t have time for each other once the tie is knotted. Travel locally or abroad. Try adrenaline-inducing activities. Buy each other gifts. Tick off items from the bucket list you created together.

While having the time of your lives, continue to know and learn about each other. You’d be surprised that there is still a lot more to unpack. You’re going to be thankful it wasn’t too late to discover each other’s non-negotiables before eventually confining each other to a potential lifetime of torture and misery.

Take whatever time you have left to grow as separate individuals. Allow yourselves to reach the state of maturity because you’ll need heaps of it should exchanging vows be granted the green light.

Not necessarily the end game

It’s not hard to understand why marriage is treated like a life or death matter. Its financial perks are tempting.

A metal band on each other’s ring fingers doesn’t dictate what you can and can’t do in your relationship. A single accessory doesn’t make your love for each other less complete and genuine.

At the end of the day, deciding to take the relationship to the next level depends on whoever’s in the relationship. Not their friends and their Titas, however they’d like to meddle with the couple’s affairs.

It also needs to be known that not everyone is cut out for marriage. It will be hard to wrap our heads around that reality, so let’s not dare any longer.

What we can do is support people in their relationships. Be in awe as they become the best versions of themselves. Wait for them as they take their time. They’ll eventually talk marriage. 

Or not. But who cares?

 

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Source: we the pvblic